Love Alarm

There 1000 things I wanted to write

There 1000 things I wanna share I just wanted to write my whole life story on this page but I know it's gonna be an endless one 

So what I'm gonna talk about today let's say a story about me 

I started with this blog because I didn't have anyone to share with there was a guy in my life whom I used to call my diary.

So when he left I was devastated I didn't know whom I should speak about what I'm feeling what I'm going through I was lost and so I started this blog sharing every thought of mine, writing them down of how my memory lane had been so far. My years of experiences of my ups and downs, lost my mom, lost my love and eventually, I started losing myself.

I met many people through this dating app. Some of them interested in me and somewhere not but there was none who was actually trying to understand me for why I'm so lost but then someone knocked into my life with very simple, funny, I called him flirtbaaz

it's funny when I think back of how I got to know him I still think he's a kid. I used to think that he's not the best match for me but when with time I started to know him I realized he's far more mature than I could be yeah there are flaws and faults but who doesn't have and he surprised me. I'm not afraid to call his name in public, He is the only one I have to acknowledge him as, my boyfriend, I know he has flaws but if he had none in my eyes he would be the perfect boyfriend.

But that's not his job to be and that's not what I'm supposed to expect from him. that's what the question is can I live with it can I accept him for who he is?

Honestly, I have 2 different versions of the story with me 4 years old, and the other quite recent.

August 2019 I said yes, I couldn't believe I was someone's girlfriend after 10 years and I don't know why I said yes and I still can't figure out why he wanted me to be his girlfriend, I know it may be wrong of me to think like that but I feel sometimes when you guys don't get what they want that could be one but it could be just my wild imagination and it could be far better than what I could think of that he really really likes me and he really respects and adores me. At the beginning sending good morning /goodnight messages, checking up on each other how they are how they have been, being transparent with each other about sharing our feelings on a day-to-day basis and that first three months I appreciate his commitment. Yes with time he started getting further away I thought it was just me being busy and he been busy but with time I feel like maybe his definition of a girlfriend is not the same that I have is a boyfriend maybe for him that person does not fall into the first 4 lists of priority of his life unlike me he is family.

Yes, I had my first break up after 3 months, and the only reason I had to break up with him because didn't call me back and I didn't know how he processes this information. I spend my time with him once before and he was different than what I expected him earlier. His body language was very different from what I've seen in the past year I don't know what has happened all these years with him but that night I felt him distant and I feel that he was hurt by someone or something but I couldn't figure out what it was but after spending a night with him and tragedy happen in his life someone close to him passed away I don't know how to put this but that was the first time he ghosted on me.

I waited for him to share... I waited for him to come back... but he didn't. i eventually this impatient girl has 1000 thoughts of that night that could be a reason he never wishes to be back coz he never felt it.... and honestly, I didn't feel it.

And eventually I decided to break up as I was so angry on him I felt like if he didn't have the guts to speak up not sure he wanted to have this relationship at all.

So I stop speaking for a month and he he texted me one fine day asking how I was I was so angry on him that I blasted on him with reply I am good and please don't text me anymore. So he stopped and he never texted me back but somewhere in my heart I wished him me too.

My my birthday came and he still didn't wish me then and I was wondering guy who is boss says to have feelings for you how casual he can be to forget your birthday and all time I was so angry on him that day as well that I will surely blasted again I think it was more of an angle that he didn't bother to wish me rather than the ones I expected at least once and importance and eventually after month of downward experience I had. We broke up simply he never felt that love from me and I was never his choice.