Rain

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Well! this headline has been inspired by a music that is like my back to back repeats that I keep listening in the loop.
This music inspires me... if you read this blog than to do listen to Rain by Simply Three
While I am writing this story... it been a month now of my surgery and my wounds are still raw....
But like every battle that has been thrown to me... despite requesting time to give me peace... i am gifted with the last resort that i wish never to look upon... i feel.. that the last thing i look for i am gifted first... like this surgery

the pain , being helpless, being a vegetable... and every single day i restart my day with learning to walk, learning to sit... learning to be normal... 32 years passed by and i felt i am again learning to walk...sit.. speak.. but the difference is i am learning them with the pain gifted to me....

every time i was thankful or rather the right word is hopefull may be i can have friends , people around to love me whom i love them... may be i am not alone... with my gift i am just reminded back... your alone...and now i literally  have stopped looking for hope ...hope for someone ..someone ...anyways...
You know its like the rain...everytime the dusty wind and beautiful scenery pic washes off with this RAIN... and you see the real and the reality...
Love is not forever... and now like every time i am forced to giveup on love... my love ..my mom.. and now food... yeah.. i have never written before... from childhood, i am deeply in love with the yummiest food in this world... anyone can melt me with food...my weakness...and my strength...
Now i had to give up like always...
When i was little my mom used to say.. you will never get a husband if you dont love to cook.. and in the funniest way I used to say .. I will marry a chef who can make me the yummiest food ever every day.. and he does not need to worry about me... coz i will fall to him every day with his food..
Now thinking of this means nothing... though mom is not here.. but now i dnt need to marry any Chef... coz i gaveup on my love like always...
i should have know let it be person or things... I will have to leave what i love....
i thought i will always struggle to find someone but never thought like always i will give up people and things which i love...

is my destiny is to always give up on what i love? Pure, deep, unconditional love!
When i see someone pic or food channel... i am repeatedly reminded you can always see them for far... but you cant be there .....

With this month... i gave up of people.i gave up my family.... i gave upon things i loved dearly more than people...
and reminded me....
be happy in your solitude coz that something time can't take away from you!
I guess.. that's why i always cry in Rain...coz they let you wash away without letting others know what your leaving is your love or pain!

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