Walking Alone!!!

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Well!!! yes, if you read my previous post, you read it right, I did go under surgery and its been 17 days now of my struggle to walk again alone... to be alone...

these past weeks made me a lot to of time to think.... being dependent ...being bedridden... killing my time in pain...and god knows what... and now when i am writing about it... i am still clueless wat should this post be about... everytime i have written about a post... i have something going in my mind very strongly... and now... i am thinking 17x24 hours + 2 weeks or pre-surgery pain...don't know what my story shall be...

should i write about my endless struggle... should i write about being alone and no one to miss me or hold my hand ....or should i write how my minor surgery turned to major and suffered the complication for all these days...or should i write about the pain and struggle of fighting each day against my own body...emotion...thoughts..... should i write about the experience i went through which i desperately wished i never do through what mom has been...or should i write about realisation of being alone again and again....and people don't even bother to care....

so yes... out of 17 days of story and being at my lowest point again... I will just write about today....
The story of a witnessing The Royal Wedding...
as usual not being able to watch tv.. luckily i have access to my dad's smartphone tv ...looking to the whole wedding process... only one thing rang in my mind....7 years back a royal prince was married and now his younger brother...and 7 years back i wished for only one and today too i wished for that one.... i always wished only one thing... i don't want the whole to accept me i just want that one person to be my world and i be his... unfortunately... i envy people who don't respect what they keep getting... coz i know its been 9 years... and i havent found someone who can falsify my X statement that their no one in this world who can love you more than i do....

listening to the chorus in the wedding...i just envied here she is on the aisle for the second time and i only wished for one and only one ...and i am nowhere close to finding my dream to come true...

But these days being in solitude and fighting each day with myself... only make me strong to allow me to live alone and leave behind people without being affected anymore...

So yeah i have deleted all the people in my life now.. and only people left is my dad and brother, who were the only two people who has seen my pain and still did not suffocate me with over caring power and had just been watching from the far on fighting my own battle....

today... i walked alone on the street in night not wishing of someone to hold my hand... but this time i close my hand... and walked aloned ....telling myself... you are your only best friend... and you need to hold on to urself...and leave everyone behind now... its time to move on...so yeah... i back to writting my stories on  this wall again...coz i am my best friend ...and all other who were are my past ...my memories who can never hold me on....

More to come now....



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