When you met a Sweetheart and you had to leave!

it's been years that I have been so open about me with someone...

One point I actually lied, which I haven't done in ages to be with him over and above what my family thought...

Every time when I am internally disturbed, he is always a call away... or say he is there... but I am hesitant coz I fear to be addicted to him being around... addicted of his warm hug...addicted of not to feel alone anymore...

I know its very rare to find a friend who is so sweet from their heart.. that you shall fail to not to like him....

so this story is about him...

So I don't remember clearly how it began, but I do know he is a friend whom I met through a dating app...i do remember very clearly when I first met him... and his clear reaction was I am tall... and I was thinking... what??? what is he thinking...is he scanning me...men and their x rays vision...  keep forgetting...

anyways... so my reaction to few of his statement in the first meeting...made me feel that he is looking something beyond friendship... and I was clear what  am here for...but he was warm person when he spoke on phone....and I guess the only connection we had was love for food.. he like cooking and me eating...but that time he was also super busy in his sister's wedding... and he used to call me whenever he was getting bored of this whole process...I guess we were mostly on phone...

But he kept surprising me... and with time...I started to learn more about him...

e.g i only met him once for the brief amount of time... but he invited me to his family function... i thought... he is sweet to call me an invite ...but I know I shouldn't barge in anyone personal event...
that reflected his innocence...

he sends me a midnight cake..coz he was super happy... I thought he just kidding.. but he did not. he actually sends me midnight cake.. that reflected him being a just sweet innocent person...

this made me re-think..maybe he is more than what he shows.

So, yeah that time i was in the city on my own...and he was living nearby allowed us to hang out more...
I was more in the phase of being alone.... as it was a week away for completing a year to feel the emptiness and missing the touch of mom.
I tried of keep distance and avoided meeting him.. because of me being hardcoded of being on your own...and the week arrived... we used to speak to each other almost every single day ..talk about general stuff... about his upcoming trips and about my old trips...
that time he did invite me to his workplace... and i insisted that i avoid meeting people at the workplace...
But after a year completion.. a week later one evening i was going out for a long drive....and with no reason... when i was crossing his workplace... I just thought of giving him a call...and generally he doesn't pick up, and he did not... so i decided to head straight for long drive...and few mins later he called back... and told him i just gave a call coz as i was crossing by and usual  he was kind enough to invite me and stop by... by that time he ddn knew that what is my main reason when i go for long drive....so i gave a second thought.. well i never been that place before...so why not....


and there i was... he was surprised that i actually came this time...as he has invited me before but i never stopped by.... so yeah... he wanted me to taste some of his work...and i did... and i always wondered than ... this guy does not like sweet and he has made some... which was ok....
But he was more surprised when he learned that i ordered a drink... yeah.... that was my first drink of that year...and was pretty good drink... though it was my only drink which i had on my own...
but yeah... to take out the ocwardness and things which were in my mind. i had too...and i wanted...

so he asked me to wait over as he shall leave early from his shift... and i was ok...i can wait.. as no one waiting for me at home.....so once his shift was over... we went to another place... and on the way i literally told him, this is was my first and last drink i shall ever have alone....he just listened

strange...he took me to his standard hangout place...and their another drink...and i don't know but i had to go for long drive... i guess it was valentine day i guess... coz i dropped him to his place and went for my drive...i knew he wanted to join...but he ddn want me to feel that he is tring on me... or this means anything because its valentines days...and neither i bothered coz that time he was just a guy i knew...and i went for the long drive... the much needed one...that time he was just a guy whom i met... but never knew he would grow on me...

so yeah he shared his story...and his has a girlfriend...with a complicated relationship... and as my usuasl nature i push ppl...to try harder to keep their relationship... i did too....whenever he spoke about her...his stories...i kinda felt ...wish i had such a loving guy in my life ...who would love me like this...but i know i am not lucky enough....anyways...i told him multiple times marry her...but he would never explain the real reason not too.... but wat i got that she is married and has a child...

i wondered, he knew this before falling in love with her... before going ahead with her and turning that love to a relationship... and now when its come to marriage why people start becoming practical... when you were not practical while loving her than why now.... why all of sudden you feel this is not right...i could not figure out this till date... coz he is still in love with her... but his complex life allows him to be physical with anyone but not love them... and sometimes i too dnt understand his complexisity ....i also felt he shared his gf story so that i dnt misunderstand him that he like me...

so once again we met and we went for long drive... i guess it must be 2 in the night when we were returning... and he told me.... can he stay over... and i was suspecious... becuase of two reason.... just before that he invited to join him with his friend on trekking trip... thought the trip was very interesting...but i know my line...so my usual ans.. was no... and while driving back he told me about employee benefit for the hotel he worked for.. and asked me choose a place... and i was...what is he tring... he is tring to assess that i get close to people because of how luxurious hotel is...or what...

that dumbo doesn't even know...money ..luxury... means nothing to me... in front of love...anyways... then he said he likes me...i ddn gave him any reaction and again i thought... he is like this with everyone...three or four odd meeting and he says he likes me...i was skeptical about him...what is he trying to know ...
no wonder he failed to know that i am not like any other girl he has met...with his reason to not to disturb his family... i thought sound ok...but bazzare too... i thought he is being thoughtful enough for his family...but wouldn't family worry for their child when they are not yet home... i presumed that maybe not everyone's family is like mine...so i said ok... but i kinda wanted to know what is running in his mind... does he want to see my house.. or is he assessing me that how much truth is their in my words...anyways..we were home..he had his shift early morning and i was too sleepy ...so we slept...and yes in separate rooms obviously....

so i guess i kinda made clear to him that i mean what i said...anyways...he went off in the morning and i did too... while leaving he hugged...and i ddn thought about it...till the time he highlighted that he is sorry for hugging me... i thought that is normal... i guess...why is he sorry?

but anyways.... i ddn think much coz i was busy... in ending something else in my life... the complicated one...which i brought....we must have met every alternate days...either doing household chores...either buying something for his trip...and finally i decided to again try something...again go for real long drive..and since he never visited that place... it was good excuse to go for...

so yeah we started the late morning...but nonetheless....i live in my present...and drive make me normal...and he was just a friend... it was really good drive...so far.... he has caring enough..and yes transparent enough to make comment on me...