My Perfect Guy!

It's so easy to restart a machine... just press the power button... and voila your done!....

all the glitches, hangup , error all sorted....

wondered if their was a restart button of your life... which helps you to remove your failure.. your errors.. your mistakes....

i missed me so much... the web of life can take you away from you.... so let just say... today's sitting on my balcony and watching the beautiful weather... i asked myself... why to pity on things which is not meant to pity... and why to hang around with ppl whose ideology don't match with you... why to adjust for people who take you for granted...just because you love them... not necessary they love you back....
i miss someone today... whom i know he is my perfect marriage material guy...but i ddn want him to hold on to me... so yeah... my push ppl away habit.. i pushed him away too....

So, he was the 1st guy who gave me the comfort of the hug...my first hug...after mom passed away... so here is the story about him.... a year back from today....

Well before this day.. yes we have always be on and off on chat... from childhood time... yes you read it rite... i know him from my childhood time... but yeah never knew that i was his childhood crush till he started speaking to me when he started working..

he is the only guy who has gone through my social media page from end to end.. he has seen all my pictures ... my post... and to top of that.. he remembers them...now, how many of your ppl have done that... no he was never a stalker... but i understand coz i was his crush...

he has all the qualities in him to be my perfect man... and first time i never felt that he does not belong with me... but i kept my distance.... you know why... coz my heart is hard-coded that everyone deserve better...

So yeah... when i was recovering from my breakup , he used to chit chat with me online.. but i never took it seriously coz my mind and heart was engulfed in my breakup phase.... than my mom incidence happen... and i just needed some distraction...in my routine ...and he was always awake in nite coz he was preparing for his mba... oh! must tell you he is a multi-talented guy... and man that girl will be very lucky whosoever  will be his life partner...

So, yeah late nite chat started on light note..what i started to like about him.. that he was super transparent.. as if he wanted me to know everything about him...and i started wondering... are their guys like him.. who are so transparent with you... but he is live example.. yes their is... and with time i understood that he liked me...

and so after exchanging lot of stories with each other... one nite i asked him... u like me ,rite???  and he was shocked.. he asked how do you know.. i ddn say anything... but i again said to him... so it true... you like me... and he was puzzled how did i know stuff which he never told....

but than he told me ... that i am his childhood crush... he was a bit nerdy all his life from outside but he was one naughty guy from inside...... but you know he is very intelligent , i still appreciate this quality of his... that whatever he set his mind on.. he gets it...

but once he told me...that he likes me... i told him... its fine that i am his crush but don't expect anything more...you should find girl of your age...i am sure they are more beautiful... more attractive.... but you know when he set his mind... he set his mind... so i just told him.. you like me.. so what next... you and i are completely different from each other... and your family shall never accept me.. simply because your younger to me....moreover am traditional type girl...

he said age doesn't matter... but i said it matters to me.. and so to your family too....
i ddn know how i could brainwash his mind set.. so that i get off his mind...i started keeping distance... but i liked talking to him... but anyhow i had to keep my distance... he got in A- grade mba school and he told me..  i tried all my means to tell him.. you will find your girl in mba school... he started travelling internationally and he used to tell me... and i told him you would find girl for yourself.. go out ..date ppl... meet new girls... am sure some would have crush on you....when he was travelling to U.S he asked me if he could do video chat with me... coz this trip was for a long time .. and i said..no... purely because... i wanted to keep this distance... for his better...

and than i kept my distance.. wondering... their will a beautiful girl who would enter his life... and with time his final stage of completing his mba came and he got selected in one of the prestigious company with really good position and money... Mr. Super Intelligent ..Super Talented guy...

by this time i stopped chatting with him....but than he told me, ..... he wrote he is opting for my city as his location.. and again i got scared...coz i knew i started to like him... and if he comes here... i knew something will start between us... and i got more scared...so i told him this city aint good.. you should try another metro city.. its full of life.. and girls and all...

You know he has one problem... he doesn't show his emotional side at all..he is tad bit practical...
but he has done stuff which melted my heart...

as days were passing by... i thought i should keep my distance for his better... he is now well settled guy.. young.. and trust me.. any girl would want him to be her bf....
though i never spoke to him...but i did come to know he got what he wanted... and he was in the city... for a while he ddn get in touch with me.. and i thought maybe he found ppl of his age.. and girls and new job... but one day he pinged... saying he is here ... and again... i got scared..

man.. i started getting scared too much.. coz i knew he and i have a connection...which i wanted to avoid to be true...

so i thought i should act... practical me.. act normal.. treat him normal...he has never met you that why he fantasize of me being attractive... but once he shall see me ...this mirage shall break... so we met that evening... had few drinks... and he was so transparent that i can't tell you... but you know the actress in me.. i asked him to join the dating app.. showed him so many option but... he was all into me... and i told him meet ppl here.. they are gorgeous... beautiful.. you will find your match....and he used to underestimate himself.. that why girl will like her...

but he has a karizhma..i knew eventually he will find damn beautiful , intelligent girl for himself...
So the evening went well.. i thought seeing me.. he would realize that i am not that attractive.. and you know the thing you dnt have you carry that zeal ...and i thought he met me now.. now his urge of seeing me in person will make him realize that i am just a normal girl .. not attractive... so i dropped him home.. and returned..and went for shower... and i got a message from him.... that he loved meeting me..and i looked exactly as he imagined.. and i was..oh no!!! this was not suppose to happen... it should be opposite of this.. not this.... and he than said.. if he could come in evening meeting me everyday and go clubbing with me... as he ddn know much ppl around... he wanted to hangout with me...and i said to myself... shittttt!!! i thought meeting me will make him realize that i am just normal and the urge shall be down.. but now its just turning opposite... and i tried to convince him... you eventually find your group here... and i don't go out ... and bla and bla..

i know i was just making excuses...not for him but for me... to keep him away from me.. so that he don't find me attractive anymore... so that he find the perfect girl for himself... as i knew i am just a normal girl...but my heart liked what he said... and i was restless...coz i knew i liked him too... but i just ddn want him to get connected to me..as i was damaged from inside...he was perfect for me....
one night before i met him i saw a dream... of him... that i was sleeping next to him..and he was working on his laptop on our bed... and i woke up..
OMG! what just i saw ... he and i married ...bloody hell!!! noooooo!!!!  i never ever dreamed anyone not even my past love like this!!! fissh man... no .. no it can't be.. he can't be.. no no... i need to keep distance from him.. i need him to be away from me...

bloody hell!!! i found my perfect guy and i than planned to push him away.... but i ddn knew how...

i was scared after our first meeting.. coz i knew if we keep on meeting... i would definitely fall for him... and he is too good to be true.....he would have married me.. if i said this to him...

So week pass by.... and in his previous meeting he said he might be going for some project temporarily and good... keep him away from me...and than one day he said he got selected for the project.. and he moving to another city within two weeks or so.. and he wanted to meet me before he goes... and i thought may its a sign... that i dnt need to be around him... and that i dnt need to push him away... eventually this distance will keep us apart and he shall find his girl...so i said yes ok...

so we met.... he said he was not well that day ... but he ate like a horse... and than we went to watch a movie.... i thought i like this guy.. and as i believe in living your today... so i felt make this as ur beautiful memory...
before that movie start , we were outside chatting... and he pointed out color of my eyes.. and i was surprised... he actually see me...he genuinely likes me...we went sat and started watching the movie.. i felt cold...so i told him ..and he kinda hugged me...and i don't know why he did that... but he kinda wrapped me with his arms..and asked me to rest on his chest...i kinda..felt ok..as he was warm and i was literally feeling cold....and i hugged him back eventually...

i could hear his heartbeat and it was fast... and i realized he was smelling my hair and me.. and he hugged like how caring couples do...but i guess i got carried away, coz i longed for this hug... and i finally got it... my 1st hug...i realized i got this hug from him....never expected that...
he was caressing my hair... and eventually was trying to feel me... he wanted me to hug so tight...and he wanted me to feel him too...i just couldn't believe i got this hug... from him... i started to fall for him... and wondered if that dream is true.... i told him i saw you in my dream... but i was afraid what i saw in my dream...2 hours i must be hugging him... and eventually slept on him for a while... and he kissed my forehead... i knew what he wanted next.... but i knew the practical me too... he kissed my cheeks.. my eyes.. and as he came down... i said " no please "... i only want to kiss my husband...so he stopped....i ddn know any other way to stop him being carried away...coz he was going away... and i was afraid to have this connection.... but he never left hugging me.. and with time it was getting tighter... coz he wanted more...and i told him to control...

if he would have kissed me.. i knew i could not have stopped myself from falling from him... but i love his hug already...and finally the movie was over.... we walking down the stairs and he holding my hand..and than left.. i thought maybe his urge is over now.. maybe whatever he wanted is done!

we went out of the mall..bit hungry.. so we sat outside and he brought us some burgers...and i was eating... and he was watching me...which made me conscious...so tried making general conversation..when he is leaving and hows is his work... but he said something in his conversation... he will keep coming back here.. and will make this project period short...and will come back... and i was taken aback..though i did not showed or said him anything ...but his way saying was he can't be much far anymore...and he ddn want to leave me...

and i said to myself.. he want us to be real...really!! i got carried away for a while.. but my nature of pushing ppl away ..said don't show... if he want it really... if he comes back to you... than you tell him... so i kept my cold face...so that he couldn't read me...

and finally he couldn't.. while driving him back home... he tried to hold my hand but i took away.. and i said i won't be able to drive...but actually he wanted me to say..stay...he wanted me to give him the sign that i too wanted the same....i showed nothing....when reached to his place.. he wanted me to invite inside.. but my cold face which he couldn't read made him hesitant...so finally he said... can i hug u... so i hugged him back... my heart.. loved his hug... and i said to myself don't get carried away!!!

so we said each other goodbyes and finally came back home... i had a beautiful day with him.. but i couldn't express my fear..of i might fall for him... he later texted me... that he wanted more.. i said to him..don't get carried away ..where their is no future...he said he had goosebumps when i hugged and touched him... and i knew how genuine his feeling was...but i said to myself ...he is too perfect ..and he shall find his perfect match...

But i couldn't avoid him anymore... i already got carried away...so our chat continued ... but i tried not to show.. show him that i am just a friend... who is older than you... and i still believe... he is perfect guy that any girl will go for....and eventually we ended up making a plan for a trip which was part of my bucket list... i was too afraid.. coz i knew this could turn real... but i knew the practical me.. and i dnt want him to be in any situation where his family might not like me... as days were passing by... he and i did connected..but i always kept this wall... though he wanted that wall to be down.. but i kept it to keep myself in check... he wanted to dance with me... he wanted to go on trip with me... and so did i.... but my cold face nature..always made him realize that it just he who wants it not me... but the reality was.. i was afraid to show...he has no clue how emotional fool i am... and he is strong minded...as the trip was coming close.. i tried to hurt him..by saying i might be dropping the plan.. and he said he has taken leaves for me... and i suggested he could go to Mumbai to meet his friends..  i knew he wanted to spend time with me... but i knew if i met him...something will happen between us.. and he might be strong enough to not get carried away.. but my emotional fool nature dint know how to be strong....

So he finally got hurt... and finally his ego realized that he tring on the wrong door... so he went another city because he was angry with me.. and their after he kept distance with me....and i felt this was the right thing to do... to keep him away... by making him realize that i am egoist and arrogant person....

little he knows that i am more emotional than he is... little he knows that i am not strong like him... little he knows that he is too good to be true and i am too afraid...

its been a year now.. and hope he finds his love and dream flourishing...may he finds his perfect love...in the city of love ....he is too perfect for me to be true!
I shall always be thankful for his hugs!!!