Red Wine vs. Ros`e!!

When two ppl meet and they have so much going on in their lives... it's best to take it out with bottle of Wine!

a beautiful Friday night... i had made plans with my friend... and as said before my life  can't be simple... even if for once i want it to be....

the judgmental eyes... of your family ... and question of trust led upon you... though being brutally honest... but those eyes will always be pointed to you!!!

And the evening started with fight with my family.. tired of justifying myself every time... tired of asking my family to please believe in me... tired of pleasing others when i know i am going through the rough time of my life...

none the less... no body has any clue what goes inside me... including my family....

i tried hiding myself when i met him.. but for some reason.. i have a feeling...either he has started reading me.. or else i couldn't act in-front of him...

either or , despite saying myself don't bother or reveal what goes in  you ... i anyhow shared with him...why? don't know!

despite his suggestion,we went to our regular place! i just wanted to be away from my home...
i actually wanted to have a long drive... but practicality said to me ... whats more imp..a drink or a long drive... so i chose the first...
i would have chosen the later only if i ddn have fight earlier.. but now i needed a drink to live through....

and finally we settled... this time.. i knew what i wanted to drink.. what i wanted to eat.. and what i wanted to do... and i was glad i was with him.. at-least i have started trusting him that he bring no harm to me...

After few drinks... we shared our stories...
sometime i know its selfish, but i am glad to hear other ppl stories...sad or good.. it just make me feel that their is so much more happening around.. and i get an excuse from rethinking of my own stories..

you know what i love about him... he is emotional fool... he do extreme things for his loved ones... but what i fear for him... that he run away from the ppl who approach him or say like him...
Earlier he was running for them ... he wanted that love... but now when he is getting that back... he is running away from it.. coz he fear to be addicted of it.. and later heart broken... 

little he know ,what you can only live is today... no relationship comes with a guarantee card...i learned this in a hard way... but he is weak from inside... and his fear... is stopping him to make that decision for him....i hope he find his way....i be really happy the day he say's... "he in love with whom he want to be his present... and  make a memorable past stories for his future..."

for some odd reason when i listen to his week long stories...i felt i know what he feels...i had a crazy loving guy in my past... i know what that crazy love can make you do! and whenever i listened to his love stories... i wondered... will i ever get second chance in my life... like he is being offered... but i am not that lucky  ..... that i know clearly... i am best with my memories and that the reality....
 i am just glad to meet him.. and make a memory with a person whom i can trust when i  m drunk....

you know i did shared a story with him that i have never shared earlier to anyone...literally my eyes filled with tears.. which i tried to hide... and i realized.... that after really long time am crying in-front of someone....
last i remember i cried in-front of someone , when my dad called and said that mom is dieing and we cant do anything....that time i tried to pull myself together... but i failed ... so i ran back home....cried in my room... put myself together and went to the hospital...
where i could see cold faces of my dad and bro... but i could not show the same...i had to be strong... i was angry on doctors.. not for what they said to us... but for the single reason.. that they fear of their job more ...but little they knew that my dad and my brother were just scared...scared to see what was coming... little they knew i have been watching this every single day....

i saw my brother faint... and dad loosing his senses... and mom ... mom could not cry for herself... coz she had to be strong for them.... but she knew i could read her... and for that reason she asked me to stay back and told them to go home and rest! that day she told them she knew i will not move away from her.. coz she was the only one who actually knew what was going  inside me without showing to anyone.. she could read me....
and yes she was right , i wouldn't have moved even if they would have told me too... after they left... me and mom chatted... i tried to distract her... and she was trying to do the same.. but both our heart were afraid...coz i knew she ddn want to die.. not like this.....

prior this i never cried in-front of stranger.. or ppl who were just friends....

Only few ppl who know me too well know do know my weakness... i cant fight with ppl whom i love dearly... before i could hurt them... my heart start crying...
i know i do sound harsh sometime... but i knw how much more it hurts my heart....and this only reason.. i don't want to be attached with anyone....

Back to that night with my friend..... after few drinks.. and dance... i was really lite..and the only reason i drink... to forget the heaviness of my heart....he sat next to me.. and i literally hugged him like a kid... and tried to rest... felt... like i  can just can let go... and relax....and will always be thankful of him for his hug... he might not know... his hug mean so much to me...a feeling...of being there...

i actually ddn wanted to leave him ... i wanted that hug to last for so many hours....but i be thankful for his emotional fool nature... coz he gives the hug making me feel of not being alone... 

it was one of the beautiful night for me....to make it my memory!

i wish he find his way soon!