My First Hangover!
Bloody hell!! i am still in the hangover state... and just trying to come back to my normal pace....
That's it.. no more drinking ever.....
i always hear stories of people and their hangover experience...and wondered... how much they drink to get hangover!!!! and why would it blast your mind as it's side effect!!!
Trust me ... now i know!!!
With time my drinking habit increase... it is still not what i love to do... but with time... i feel i am loosing myself... may be i found this an excuse to hide my frustration and pain.... limited was ok... but never thought i be this stupid ever in my life....or may i wanted to know what it feels to be high like this...
sometimes my unconscious behavior ask me to do lot of stuff... and one is this... when i knew what i was doing is not going right... but hell.. i anyhow did it... how stupid i can ever be....well! duly noted now that i know what hangover means... and really hate this after effect... specially when you have so much to do ... and your hands are shaking and you can't say to your family... and nonetheless...i guess i forgotten to express my dad that i am not well!!!
That reminds me...another story... where i was really sick... had fever... the old me used to say everything to my family.. with no filters... but i guess with time... as i changed.. i started acting and hiding....face said i am happy... heart was lonely....i have become so numm... that i don't even realize sometime something or someone has hurt me...and later when i see the scare.. than the pain comes to my mind... and back to that fever episode... morning my mom came over and asked if i was planning to go to office.. i said no.. rather i should have said to my mom that i have fever....and unknowing she touched me... and she realized i have fever....she got worried not only because i have fever whole night... but she realized that i have started hiding stuff....before that she presume whatever happen with me i shall be vocal to let them know... but that day she realized that i have changed.... and i know post that... she started to figure out why i have changed so much... 25 years a transparent person is no more transparent....so she changed her strategy of knowing me... by just observing me with my action... she wouldn't question much to know... but i knew she was trying to read what i am actually hiding....
When he actually left... my parents were relieved of the fact.. despite they had no clue how i was feeling...they thought year or two i shall be over him... and i too thought the same... because everyone i knew ...were separated and marring someone else (arranged).. i thought i am normal simple girl... i could do this... little i knew that time, my heart... doesn't know how to fallout of love...and specially when my heart knew that why he hates me...and my words said ...i hate you to him so he that he get hurt... but my heart cried...coz i loved him deeply and i couldn't say that to him....
You know the day i told my family it over... the reaction was not a hug or something... but reaction stating "Good" they thought he left me... and was not the right guy to stick around.... many years later...as my mom was trying to understand me... one day i told in return to some reaction.... that he did not leave me... i made him leave me... !! she was shock!!!
he would never in his life would have left me.. i knew that so well!!
and till date... he too is living in the world that he left me... little he knows that it was all planned by me...else i would not have known what was coming next... i guess this is another story altogether to be shared
so... yes how i reached to my hangover stage... that definitely my stupidest story to come...
i was waiting for a friend to catch-up in evening ... thought will spend few hours and head back home... little i knew how my night would turn up... and as time passing by i started wondering.. whether he has forgotten so ..checked with him... 10 min.. 20 mins... and finally he came with his uncle... i was bit sad coz i planned to achieve something in swimming ..but felt its ok...we shall see...
we checked out few places... and finally settled... and for a change my first beer experience it was... honestly i still don't understand why people love such stuff... i felt.. food is tastier than that drink.. but anyhow tried to finish it... i am definitely not a drink loving person... would loved a milkshake more over such drinks...
and ocward situation was me not a people person.. first initiator.. i knew his uncle is not feeling comfortable....for obvious reason... and i can see that..and my nature struggle to get this ocwardness out.. coz i feel weird...when 3 people together and nothing much to share with all 3... i know my friend tried his best to bring his attention out of his iphone....am very much familiar of such feeling... because when he told he was coming with uncle.. i felt good and nervous.. simple... no bad impression.. and judgmental eyes i want...
i guess for the first meeting ... it was not a bad attempt to get that ocwardness out!!
Well post beer ...we went to another place... and i have no clue why i was so stupid ...may be.. sometime... to make sense in your life you do stupid stuff too...anyhow this week... and this month is always the heavy month for me....few weeks back i told one of my friend... this is a month hits me hard each year..and never in good way.... my mom diagnosis.. my breakup....and many more...
i know if i smile one day... i know next gonna be bad one...weird but the phrase is true.. if i have been given 1 happiness and been asked in return a lot... more than one....
i got promotion which was completely unexpected coz i was not expecting that at all.. i was exception case ... and i was told about my mom diagnosis very same day.. i guess..
i never celebrate days which others do.. birthday... a raise.. promotion...when people get promoted or achieve something.. they share with family and celebrate.. i know when my dad used to be promoted or my brother got it first job...celebration occur...but this stopped with me post he left...i stopped feeling the meaning of happiness.. people said ppl die for such job..and many stuff.. but i never felt the importance of it....you know what actually makes me happy... in one room when all my family is laughing....that's it! but that emptiness exist....coz he was my family too...
Tht innocence.. is lost... the joy of smiling when you get your fav stuff...
Every time i see a young child.. i always wish... hope he never loose his innocence...and never get caught of the harsh world.. if do... than never face it alone!!! May he have someone whom he can hug and cry on! the last thing he said to me was... " With this attitude i shall always be Alone" i knew that long before he said..... i knew i will be always be Alone! and last i said to him was " its too late"
i know its very difficult to be Alone! its a feeling that whatever is... where you are... its just you in that crowd just alone!!!!
Hope no-one fight his/her battle Alone!
That's it.. no more drinking ever.....
i always hear stories of people and their hangover experience...and wondered... how much they drink to get hangover!!!! and why would it blast your mind as it's side effect!!!
Trust me ... now i know!!!
With time my drinking habit increase... it is still not what i love to do... but with time... i feel i am loosing myself... may be i found this an excuse to hide my frustration and pain.... limited was ok... but never thought i be this stupid ever in my life....or may i wanted to know what it feels to be high like this...
sometimes my unconscious behavior ask me to do lot of stuff... and one is this... when i knew what i was doing is not going right... but hell.. i anyhow did it... how stupid i can ever be....well! duly noted now that i know what hangover means... and really hate this after effect... specially when you have so much to do ... and your hands are shaking and you can't say to your family... and nonetheless...i guess i forgotten to express my dad that i am not well!!!
That reminds me...another story... where i was really sick... had fever... the old me used to say everything to my family.. with no filters... but i guess with time... as i changed.. i started acting and hiding....face said i am happy... heart was lonely....i have become so numm... that i don't even realize sometime something or someone has hurt me...and later when i see the scare.. than the pain comes to my mind... and back to that fever episode... morning my mom came over and asked if i was planning to go to office.. i said no.. rather i should have said to my mom that i have fever....and unknowing she touched me... and she realized i have fever....she got worried not only because i have fever whole night... but she realized that i have started hiding stuff....before that she presume whatever happen with me i shall be vocal to let them know... but that day she realized that i have changed.... and i know post that... she started to figure out why i have changed so much... 25 years a transparent person is no more transparent....so she changed her strategy of knowing me... by just observing me with my action... she wouldn't question much to know... but i knew she was trying to read what i am actually hiding....
When he actually left... my parents were relieved of the fact.. despite they had no clue how i was feeling...they thought year or two i shall be over him... and i too thought the same... because everyone i knew ...were separated and marring someone else (arranged).. i thought i am normal simple girl... i could do this... little i knew that time, my heart... doesn't know how to fallout of love...and specially when my heart knew that why he hates me...and my words said ...i hate you to him so he that he get hurt... but my heart cried...coz i loved him deeply and i couldn't say that to him....
You know the day i told my family it over... the reaction was not a hug or something... but reaction stating "Good" they thought he left me... and was not the right guy to stick around.... many years later...as my mom was trying to understand me... one day i told in return to some reaction.... that he did not leave me... i made him leave me... !! she was shock!!!
he would never in his life would have left me.. i knew that so well!!
and till date... he too is living in the world that he left me... little he knows that it was all planned by me...else i would not have known what was coming next... i guess this is another story altogether to be shared
so... yes how i reached to my hangover stage... that definitely my stupidest story to come...
i was waiting for a friend to catch-up in evening ... thought will spend few hours and head back home... little i knew how my night would turn up... and as time passing by i started wondering.. whether he has forgotten so ..checked with him... 10 min.. 20 mins... and finally he came with his uncle... i was bit sad coz i planned to achieve something in swimming ..but felt its ok...we shall see...
we checked out few places... and finally settled... and for a change my first beer experience it was... honestly i still don't understand why people love such stuff... i felt.. food is tastier than that drink.. but anyhow tried to finish it... i am definitely not a drink loving person... would loved a milkshake more over such drinks...
and ocward situation was me not a people person.. first initiator.. i knew his uncle is not feeling comfortable....for obvious reason... and i can see that..and my nature struggle to get this ocwardness out.. coz i feel weird...when 3 people together and nothing much to share with all 3... i know my friend tried his best to bring his attention out of his iphone....am very much familiar of such feeling... because when he told he was coming with uncle.. i felt good and nervous.. simple... no bad impression.. and judgmental eyes i want...
i guess for the first meeting ... it was not a bad attempt to get that ocwardness out!!
Well post beer ...we went to another place... and i have no clue why i was so stupid ...may be.. sometime... to make sense in your life you do stupid stuff too...anyhow this week... and this month is always the heavy month for me....few weeks back i told one of my friend... this is a month hits me hard each year..and never in good way.... my mom diagnosis.. my breakup....and many more...
i know if i smile one day... i know next gonna be bad one...weird but the phrase is true.. if i have been given 1 happiness and been asked in return a lot... more than one....
i got promotion which was completely unexpected coz i was not expecting that at all.. i was exception case ... and i was told about my mom diagnosis very same day.. i guess..
i never celebrate days which others do.. birthday... a raise.. promotion...when people get promoted or achieve something.. they share with family and celebrate.. i know when my dad used to be promoted or my brother got it first job...celebration occur...but this stopped with me post he left...i stopped feeling the meaning of happiness.. people said ppl die for such job..and many stuff.. but i never felt the importance of it....you know what actually makes me happy... in one room when all my family is laughing....that's it! but that emptiness exist....coz he was my family too...
Tht innocence.. is lost... the joy of smiling when you get your fav stuff...
Every time i see a young child.. i always wish... hope he never loose his innocence...and never get caught of the harsh world.. if do... than never face it alone!!! May he have someone whom he can hug and cry on! the last thing he said to me was... " With this attitude i shall always be Alone" i knew that long before he said..... i knew i will be always be Alone! and last i said to him was " its too late"
i know its very difficult to be Alone! its a feeling that whatever is... where you are... its just you in that crowd just alone!!!!
Hope no-one fight his/her battle Alone!
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