Missing the Hug
Over years.... i struggled to keep up with my smiling face... and at one point i couldn't distinguish between my fake or real smile...i couldn't tell if i am really happy... or maybe i pretended being fake so much that i forgot the real me...
With my mom struggle to hide her pain... killed me more because i could see through her.... and she knew that too....
i can't tell how weak i felt inside ...that i couldn't do anything for her ... as she was walking on the death road.. & so was i...
earlier my dreams used to scare me.... n now my reality did...
I just longed to hug someone so tight , cry out so loud, to take that pain out from me....
But he never looked back... and i never asked for it...
People say move on! i just wondered why do they say that... if people who meant to be your life has left you... why people expect to stop loving him back...
Someone asked me a while back ... can i love anyone else anymore... i said YES... i know why people mean that she has moved on! i say i shall never stop loving the people who meant the world to me... but it doesn't mean i dint have room for more...
Do you stop loving your mom or dad if they pass away? No na, than why people expect to stop loving someone who is not blood related to you...
When a girl marry does she stop loving her mother and give all the love to her mother in law? No na, she grow more love for both... their is always room for more...if the person want it!
When i meet new people, listen to their romantic adventures... i just wish.. if ever i could be that lucky!
Whenever someone hold my hand and hug me... they dint know how much i missed it.. coz i learned not to show my emotional me...the real me...
Yes! i know people who actually met me ... know how strong..rough... i am, but no one ever dared to see through that...the vulnerable me!
I could smile all day... and no one knew that i am actually crying...
People drink to loosen up...loose their senses...
I drink to be in my senses.. else trust me... i would not survive the pain that reside in me...
But after the 2 years of struggle and pain... when my mom left me... i was numb...
not because i lost her... because 730 days.. i saw my mom dieing every day in front of me... and now she was lieing infront of me... loosing her warmth... and i couldn't hold her back!!
The inside me was screaming so hard but i was numb outside!
No one knows, that every Friday i relive that day ! No one knows that everywhere i feel her presence! No one knows how much i miss that hug!!
The hug that says to me you dont worry i am their for me... the hug that says to me you can be you.. you can let go now! Not even my dad now can give me that hug anymore!
2 years i longed for a hug from him... and after months someone hugged me for the 1st time...that warm feeling... that i longed for years... did came to me... but from a complete different person...
and my emotional fool nature.. loved it so much .. that again i needed to push that person away!
Coz i would get addicted to him for his hug...
I dnt know if i ever NOT miss hug again! but for now i deeply miss that hug!
With my mom struggle to hide her pain... killed me more because i could see through her.... and she knew that too....
i can't tell how weak i felt inside ...that i couldn't do anything for her ... as she was walking on the death road.. & so was i...
earlier my dreams used to scare me.... n now my reality did...
I just longed to hug someone so tight , cry out so loud, to take that pain out from me....
But he never looked back... and i never asked for it...
People say move on! i just wondered why do they say that... if people who meant to be your life has left you... why people expect to stop loving him back...
Someone asked me a while back ... can i love anyone else anymore... i said YES... i know why people mean that she has moved on! i say i shall never stop loving the people who meant the world to me... but it doesn't mean i dint have room for more...
Do you stop loving your mom or dad if they pass away? No na, than why people expect to stop loving someone who is not blood related to you...
When a girl marry does she stop loving her mother and give all the love to her mother in law? No na, she grow more love for both... their is always room for more...if the person want it!
When i meet new people, listen to their romantic adventures... i just wish.. if ever i could be that lucky!
Whenever someone hold my hand and hug me... they dint know how much i missed it.. coz i learned not to show my emotional me...the real me...
Yes! i know people who actually met me ... know how strong..rough... i am, but no one ever dared to see through that...the vulnerable me!
I could smile all day... and no one knew that i am actually crying...
People drink to loosen up...loose their senses...
I drink to be in my senses.. else trust me... i would not survive the pain that reside in me...
But after the 2 years of struggle and pain... when my mom left me... i was numb...
not because i lost her... because 730 days.. i saw my mom dieing every day in front of me... and now she was lieing infront of me... loosing her warmth... and i couldn't hold her back!!
The inside me was screaming so hard but i was numb outside!
No one knows, that every Friday i relive that day ! No one knows that everywhere i feel her presence! No one knows how much i miss that hug!!
The hug that says to me you dont worry i am their for me... the hug that says to me you can be you.. you can let go now! Not even my dad now can give me that hug anymore!
2 years i longed for a hug from him... and after months someone hugged me for the 1st time...that warm feeling... that i longed for years... did came to me... but from a complete different person...
and my emotional fool nature.. loved it so much .. that again i needed to push that person away!
Coz i would get addicted to him for his hug...
I dnt know if i ever NOT miss hug again! but for now i deeply miss that hug!
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