The IRONY..
So before i start sharing story life without him....
I am sharing how i reached here.....
Well!!! Honestly i always had this feeling that
"he deserve better"
"out of my league guy...
But i guess it was meant to be ... to be with him....but every time i came close to him... i started fearing of loosing him more...
Nobody can define whose right or wrong.... its just the circumstances that brought us here.....
A famous quote from a movie i follow dearly "“If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever.”
So here it goes... you shall find in my previous post of my final year confession....
And that actually build an insecurity in me... A girl who feared only one dear thing now was acting like a typical jealous girl... i guess that phase was a combination of immaturity and insecurity...
Even if he would confess me , convince me... i just could not buy it... i just could not believe him completely... and always felt that he is just doing things for my happiness and not to loose me again...
But the irony of this phase was, he was guilty of going ahead and hurting me by saying someone that he has feeling back for her... and believed that i don't ...
and i felt guilty that he feels guilty because if i would not have pushed hard this situation wouldn't have arise in the first place and he would not have to hurt her to come back to me...
Two things came out of this incidence... i made a mistake of believing that i am just an ordinary girl who can live without him and what she feels will phase out... and both of us lost the trust and believe we used to have on each other earlier...
Post this period... everybody tried to convince me that he is not worth it... i deserve better... and i just couldn't share this incidence to anybody... nobody at all... and have not done before this post...
But yeah it changed with time... we both tried a mend it... but that scare remained.. or say that incidence was so deep that scare made permanent mark in our life...details of that period is another chapter....
Initially we were together to be in love again and tried hard ourselves to be like the old one... but we both knew that we both have changed a lot... and old one cannot come back...
So we tried to build new.... but i guess rite way of saying was he tried to build new... and i tried to throw the insecurity out of my life for us....
every now and than we ended up having stupid fights and the old chapter would come back from time to time..as if i was the most insecure girl who start cribbing and cursing back.....
But why i was doing that....simple... i believed he deserve better... i felt she fit in to all the check mark of him and his family... she is perfect for him... and that made me insecure and he will realize soon that he is making a mistake of letting go perfect for a defect like... who is nobody... not great circle of friends ...her world went around him... because he liked that....
Coz i always felt i am an ordinary girl who doesn't deserve him... and he got a perfect match....
And the fight kept happening and happening... we both started working and our fight added with ego turned against each other more and more... both of us clashed so hard that both our heart hurt so bad... i words turned to sharp knifes on our heart... he couldn't bear my words and i couldn't bear his.... it always felt like it cut our heart deep...
And the year 2008 came... and the plan started....
I am sharing how i reached here.....
Well!!! Honestly i always had this feeling that
"he deserve better"
"out of my league guy...
But i guess it was meant to be ... to be with him....but every time i came close to him... i started fearing of loosing him more...
Nobody can define whose right or wrong.... its just the circumstances that brought us here.....
A famous quote from a movie i follow dearly "“If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever.”
So here it goes... you shall find in my previous post of my final year confession....
And that actually build an insecurity in me... A girl who feared only one dear thing now was acting like a typical jealous girl... i guess that phase was a combination of immaturity and insecurity...
Even if he would confess me , convince me... i just could not buy it... i just could not believe him completely... and always felt that he is just doing things for my happiness and not to loose me again...
But the irony of this phase was, he was guilty of going ahead and hurting me by saying someone that he has feeling back for her... and believed that i don't ...
and i felt guilty that he feels guilty because if i would not have pushed hard this situation wouldn't have arise in the first place and he would not have to hurt her to come back to me...
Two things came out of this incidence... i made a mistake of believing that i am just an ordinary girl who can live without him and what she feels will phase out... and both of us lost the trust and believe we used to have on each other earlier...
Post this period... everybody tried to convince me that he is not worth it... i deserve better... and i just couldn't share this incidence to anybody... nobody at all... and have not done before this post...
But yeah it changed with time... we both tried a mend it... but that scare remained.. or say that incidence was so deep that scare made permanent mark in our life...details of that period is another chapter....
Initially we were together to be in love again and tried hard ourselves to be like the old one... but we both knew that we both have changed a lot... and old one cannot come back...
So we tried to build new.... but i guess rite way of saying was he tried to build new... and i tried to throw the insecurity out of my life for us....
every now and than we ended up having stupid fights and the old chapter would come back from time to time..as if i was the most insecure girl who start cribbing and cursing back.....
But why i was doing that....simple... i believed he deserve better... i felt she fit in to all the check mark of him and his family... she is perfect for him... and that made me insecure and he will realize soon that he is making a mistake of letting go perfect for a defect like... who is nobody... not great circle of friends ...her world went around him... because he liked that....
Coz i always felt i am an ordinary girl who doesn't deserve him... and he got a perfect match....
And the fight kept happening and happening... we both started working and our fight added with ego turned against each other more and more... both of us clashed so hard that both our heart hurt so bad... i words turned to sharp knifes on our heart... he couldn't bear my words and i couldn't bear his.... it always felt like it cut our heart deep...
And the year 2008 came... and the plan started....
Comments
Post a Comment