The Turnmoils & The Stability

i know its been long time since i have written any story....

i am going through one of my most difficult phase of my life... when my close ones ask me one Q's and i have no answer to reply them back...This year has been the most volatile and turmoil phase....were I am being forced to face my worst fears...and live with it....

Well! my story is around the turmoils phase of my life...were he was the stability ...
Going back to my 2nd year...The year were we see new fresher's face entering our colg and we start the treatment of being the seniors...

Till date if i give a word i commit to it... no one can force me not even me can force my heart to commit to something which my heart disagree..

Post all the turmoils and ups and downs in my colg life... i cherished the two friends who were my roommate.. i felt i had a best friend of that phase...

but little i knew than, that one fine day i had to choose... not by saying but by my action.. i had to choose between a new friend and my best friends....

i remember one day we three promised each other, while returning back to hostel , we swore that we will never leave each other.. no matter what! and i swore too... coz i believed it...
and next day i consciously decided that this promise i had to break for their and his betterment...

i dnt know how my friends became enemy of his.. but i do know their has been a huge misunderstanding between two of them...this occurred in the semester break .. that when my roommate came back she was very angry on him... and till date i only know the two side of the coin....

The two never spoke their heart out rather they kept all in them...so i decided to try to balance both of the side.. because you cant force ppl to understand till the time they are ready... and i could see how i was split between the two...

if i hangout with my friends , he felt ignored and when i was giving time to him they felt ignored...

i was running between the two.. but little they both realized how i was struggling to keep both in my world...and one day my action speak for itself... without me saying to them... but they both misunderstood me....but i had to give up one to save the both... both of them never ever understood my silence...

i still remember that day which was a deciding factor for them to know whom i chose...they thought i chose... but little they know ... it was them who decided for me...

So it was one fine weekend afternoon, where i was suppose to meet him in CCD... and i told my friends that i wont be joining them... but i never explained to them that i had planned to meet him... coz they never want to hear about him....

So while walking towards our colg CCD...i could see him sitting on the one of the counter.. and soon i realized that my friend group sitting on the other side...and i could not decide what should i do.... each step i walked toward that place.. i was in complete toss.. what should i do.. if i go and meet my friend group he will be upset.. and if i go to him... my friends will be upset...
both saw me walking toward that place... and i could see.. both waiting for me to decide whom i choose...

i really wanted to choose no one...i just wanted to go back and wanted them all to be together...
my friend group ddn knew that i could not leave him coz the phase he was walking through.. and he ddn knew that what my friends meant to me...

my heart was torn.. i rather being selfish i became selfless... as i reached the entrance of the ccd place... i walked towards him.. and i knw they were watching me go towards me... but no one ever understood my action... coz i dnt explain myself....

i could see the smile in his face... and also i could hear the trust shattering in my friends heart...

they both ddn knew that how i ended up with that action....

While being in this turmoil... i saw one thing.. and one thing that became the reason the walk towards him... he was sitting alone... and my friends were with her group, the group which consist of his friends as well!.... and they was my decision factor.. i thought my friends has ppl to company them... ppl whom they rely on ... and he was alone ... and the phase he was in.. i could not be selflish to leave him alone...

You know if i had been selfish... i would have chosen my friends group over him... coz till that time i was not in love with him... i remembered our promise!!

Strange... today his group is with him.. my two roommate are together forever... i am alone!

I had paid a very heavy price of being selfless...

After we separated i could have easily gone back to my friends.. but i know one thing about.. whatever i decide... i have to take it with its reciprocation... i knew what i chose that tym.. and i cant back off from my action.. and go back to ppl just because we separated....

I was happy to see my friends were not alone... and i could help him in whatever possible way i can... another friend did asked me why you did that, and i know what is being alone mean.. i just couldn't leave anyone behind!

and i still dnt regret that i did... i know my friends shall never know that i chose them in my heart...

it's good i am alone! coz everyone is happy in their life... and moving forward.... without my existence!

i guess, that why i say... i m best being alone! i shall never hurt anyone...