I call Myself ..A Peaceful Warrior

Well! it seem i am trying to be regular writer.. hope it stays on.... Everything in my life start very simple... and i always end up making it complicated... Already told you before that i can't digest simple... Well! i am looking for love.. but i don't let anyone come close to me... i am romantic person but i don't show that side of me to anyone... I watch all love story , the happy ever after ones... and don't believe for myself... My heart controls me... but my thoughts control my words said to other person... I don't know after him leaving.. i have hurt so many people feeling knowing and unknowingly... that i have lost count... i always feel myself out of place.. but still struggle to fit in.... i always gel with people eventually... but don't stick around.... in this whole conversation ... i have used "I"... and i am glad ..coz everytime i used to fulfill other people wish.. other peps feeling in-front of me... now i am not ashamed...

In this one year time , i met so many new people ... and every time we meet for first time ...it always feel good.. coz both show the good side of each other.... in few more meeting we like each other company... but eventually we noticed either one of us would like each other company more than a friend.....and their it complicate stuff... Coz everyone feels maybe this could work out... and every time though i like the person or not... always feel .. "their is always someone better than You" and i tend to show door to them... so that they don't come close to me... i hurt my heart so much... that it has believed now ..."Everyone is better than You" When i see all these people having fun with someone else... i know what i am missing... but i always say back to my heart... see you are meant to be ALONE... they all deserve much better...and they got... Someone asked me why you feel that your aren't lucky... Coz i don't let ppl come close to me......

Over years.... i struggled to keep up with my smiling face... and at one point i couldn't distinguish between my fake or real smile...i couldn't tell if i am really happy... or maybe i pretended being fake so much that i forgot the real me... With my mom struggle to hide her pain... killed me more because i could see through her.... and she knew that too.... i can't tell how weak i felt inside ...that i couldn't do anything for her ... as she was walking on the death road.. & so was i... earlier my dreams used to scare me.... n now my reality did... I just longed to hug someone so tight , cry out so loud, to take that pain out from me.... But he never looked back... and i never asked for it... People say move on! i just wondered why do they say that... if people who meant to be your life has left you... why people expect to stop loving him back... Someone asked me a while back ... can i love anyone else anymore... i said YES... i know why people mean t...